💡 Withholding necessary feedback is usually aggressive behavior.
If that sounds surprising, consider this: Whose needs are being met?
In my last post, I shared how much we value *receiving* feedback – yet how reluctant we are to *give* it.
One reason I often hear from leaders is: “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
Sounds compassionate, right? But again, consider the situation through the lens of whose needs are being met.
Here’s a simple way to look at it. If I’m being…
🔹 Passive: You get what you want, but I don’t get what I want.
🔹 Aggressive: I get what I want, but you don’t get what you want.
🔹 Authentic-assertive: We both move toward what we want.
Now apply that to withholding necessary feedback.
By staying silent, the leader gets what they want – avoiding an uncomfortable conversation.
But the employee doesn’t get what they want – the insight required to improve.
So, whose need is being served? The leader’s comfort – not the employee’s growth. By the definition above, that’s aggressive behavior.
Instead of asking: “How do I avoid hurting their feelings?”
Ask:
“How can I deliver this feedback respectfully AND give them what they need to grow?”
That’s authentic/assertive leadership. And that’s when feedback truly becomes a gift. 🎁
❓ Which is ultimately kinder: giving tough feedback or withholding it?
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