Most of us are born with the ability to hear, but listening is a skill that must be learned.
Two distinct ways of listening can have a direct impact on a leader’s effectiveness.
(1) Listening to “Reply.”
This happens when you’re already preparing your response instead of focusing on what the other person is saying. Your internal monologue sounds like: “As soon as this person finishes talking, I’ll say…”
(2) Listening to “Understand.”
This is true listening: being fully present and focusing entirely on the speaker. You’re not thinking about what you’ll say next – instead, you’re taking in their words and tone to fully grasp what they are trying to communicate.
I often ask clients to keep track of their ratio between these two types of listening – what percentage are they spending on each? It’s not uncommon for leaders to realize that they listen to *reply* more than they listen to *understand* – at least in the early stages of coaching.
An interesting observation I’ve noticed recently:
🔄 Leaders often listen to *reply* when they think they already know the answers. “I’ve dealt with this before, so I know exactly what to say and how to solve this problem.” It’s playing the role of expert by applying past learning. But … the world is changing rapidly – are those past learnings still applicable now?
Finding: When we think we have nothing to learn, we don’t listen as well.
🆕 On the other hand, leaders tend to listen to *understand* when they don’t know the answers – when they’re learning or relying on those who report to them to find the solutions. For instance, executives stepping into new high-level roles or leading new divisions often listen very carefully. Why? Because they have to. THEY ARE LEARNING.
What about you?
Think back to a time when you listened carefully or not – what was driving that?
❓ When do you find yourself listening to reply rather than listening to understand?
💬 What’s an example of a time when you truly listened to understand?
Would love to hear your thoughts and examples in the comments!
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